In the beginning, there was Jack. And Jack had a groove. And from this groove came the groove of all grooves. And while one day viciously throwing down on his box, Jack boldy declared, "Let there be HOUSE!" And house music was born. "I am, you see, I am the creator. And this is MY house. And in my house, there is ONLY house music! But I am not so selfish because once you enter my house, it then becomes OUR house and OUR house music!" (Fingers Inc., “My House”) What can you say about me that I don't already say about myself? That I’m amazing? I’ve been saying that since day one. That people love me? It’s impossible not to. That I’m a cocky son-of-a-bitch? No shit. I truly DO enjoy people hating on me and talking shit. It gets me off faster than your girlfriend. I DO want you to be annoyed by my day to day. In fact, I want nothing more than for you to hate me for being THAT fucking good. If I lacked history, it would be easier to hate me. If I was just some flash in the pants kid with an ego that could waste more energy than the air conditioning unit of some fatty living in New York City on the 52nd floor of a high rise during a heat wave, then hating me would be justifiable. But before you go getting your panties all in a knot, it’s probably best you know that I DO have a history. Quite an extensive history. I was there for those pieces of history you only hear about. But since my accomplishments only make you jealous, I won’t waste your time with my bragging. If you want to read details like that, read some other DJ’s biography. I’m sure they’ll be happy to drop all kinds of names of world-renown DJs, producers, and nightclubs that are sure to inspire you to care. In the beginning, I was an average DJ on a college radio station. The nerd DJ of all nerd DJs, I had little going for me besides my bowl haircut and love for hip-hop. I wanted to be just like Stretch Armstrong. Or, if I was really lucky, Bobbito. It was no secret, I had no idea what I was doing. I also didn’t have anyone to really show me what was up. I tried to emulate the other DJs around me, watching what they would do on vinyl and pretend I could do the same thing. I failed miserably trying to figure it out, but never stopped. And really never got it. To be honest the next 15 years is kind of a blur. I couldn’t tell you what came first, where it was, or who was there. I was growing up and finding out who I really am. College came and went, worked for my family for a bit, moved around, basically just didn’t know what I wanted. The only constant was music. I know this sounds very cliche, and I kind of taste vomit in my mouth as I write it. But. Music was the only thing that really kept me together. It was and is still a hobby that really took more time than my family, job, or any relationship I have ever been in. Excluding threesomes. I have paid my own personal dues to not give this up. Plus, it’s the only way a big mess like me gets laid. Most DJs, at this point in their biographies, would start dropping names. They’d feel the need to say they played at “this” place with “that” guy. They’d say they were influenced by so and so, and loved one thing or another. They’d probably use phrases like “felt the vibe” or “became one with the music.” They would start trying to describe “their” sound. Bass heavy this. Beat thumping that. Dancefloor filling yadda yadda yadda. Not me. Couldn’t care less. What is important that is I am still here. In a time when the lackadaisical styles and ears of the modern house DJ have let their sound become boring and lack flavor, there is no room for a DJ to say he did this or did that. This is a time for a DJ to prove he still deserves to be where he is. My size matches my ego. And I am not afraid to tell you anything you can do, I can do better. Seriously. I can. Even as you read this, you wish you were me. Because house music started with Jack and his groove. Because I AM Jack, and house music IS my groove. And, as we all know, possession is nine-tenths of the law. House music isn’t dead. It’s fucked.